(note: not sure if the date is right. I could have sworn I dreamt this in Tulsa, but this date I was in Philly. Dunno)
I'd been there for hours doing nothing but drinking. I wasn't sure how long and I didn't care. And I wasn't thinking about it. I was sitting by myself in the back corner. The thick dirty glum of the bar fit me like a tailored coat and I can't say I didn't like that fact. It was a dark and shadowy place in just about every way it could be: the drunks, the beams on the ceiling, the tables, the walls and the floors. There were just a few dim white Christmas style lights strung along the bar and a couple strips above on the ceiling, and even these were covered in dust and some were so dirty that they barely emitted light at all. The bar was emptying out, and as I looked around I saw mostly just lone drunk men sitting here and there. The last female in the place went out the door and there was silence. Soon though... almost imperceptibly, this silence was interrupted by a slow deep bass music coming from the juke box over in the corner in the dark. It started as a whisper, light, quickly strummed guitar and slowly grew louder in a haunting fashion. The overall tone was dark, and yet there was a lilting and almost laughing rhythm to it all. The bass made the whiskey and water in my glass ripple, just a little. Everyone in the place began singing in unison, and all at once as if on cue, without getting up or changing what they were doing at all. There were no voices coming from the speakers, just from the drunkards around me, and they all seemed to know every word. The words were sung in a low rumbling style, befitting a drunkard and a lost soul. As he began, each man had just the wispy edge of a rye smile on his face:
Oh my God, where have I been!
I look in the mirror at the skin I'm in--
My eyes are sunken and my beard is long
Thought I was right, Hell I was wrong!
Oh my God, what have I done!
When I walked out I know I had a gun,
But it's nowhere to be found
I'm so drunk I'm nearly drowned
Why don't you strike down this wretch you've found?
Why don't you strike down this wretch you've found?!
You gave me a Holy temple and I tore it down
Now my head is just a prison
And my heart a ticking bomb
But it still ain't stopped me doin' wrong!
There was a break in the singing and a bit of an instrumental part. A few of the guys dragged each other out of there seats, bottles and glasses still in hand, and began to twirl each other around the room as if in a waltz. A few glasses were knocked over or spilled and there was much hard laughter. The singing resumed, this time louder and meaner than before:
Oh my God, what have I seen!
My drawin's in the paper and there after me!
I swear I don't remember,
But I never will forget
Oh my God, what have I seen!
Oh my God, where did she go!
Your own glowing Angel with the heart of gold
She laid her hands upon my head
She bound me up whene'er I bled
Oh my God, where did she go!
Oh my God, what have I done!
When I left out I know I had a gun,
But it's nowhere to be found
I'm so drunk I'm nearly drowned
Why don't you strike down this wretch you've found?!
Why don't you strike down this wretch you've found?
You gave me a Holy temple and I tore it down.
Now my head is just a prison,
And my heart a ticking bomb
Why don't you strike down this wretch you've found!!!
At that the music took off into a swirling New Orleans style folk-blues rhythm that pushed on like a parade. Everyone was loving it. Most everyone was dancing, as well as they could dance considering the booze and the time of morning. I saw that even the guy with his head down slumped in a dark back corner table was tapping his foot. Great laughs of “Ha ha!” would erupt spontaneously around the room in the high spirited chaos. A bum covered in a dirt-blackened raggedy coat and an old fisherman's cap was trying to do a jig with a glass in his hand and he kept falling down and spilling it and getting up and dancing some more. The cap never fell off, which made me wonder when it had last been taken off at all. The bartender was wiping down the bar in rhythm to the music and he had sung every word along with the crowd without looking up from his work. I had turned sideways in my booth to watch the whole spectacle. The bar had been so dead and lifeless before the song had begun, and this sort of activity would have stood out in any case. I was particularly curious about the fact that there were no words coming out of the juke box and yet every man in the place new the song by wrote. They began to sing again as the music surged and clattered towards a crescendo:
Oh my God, where have I been!
I look in the mirror at the skin I'm in--
My eyes are sunken and my beard is long
Thought I was right, Hell I was wrong!
Oh my God where have I been!
[With this someone screamed out “O'Cleere's Pub!”]
I look in the mirror at the skin I'm in--
My eyes are sunken and my beard is long
Thought I was right, Hell I was wrong!
Oh my God, what have I done!
I can't find my Angel or my gun
And now it's nearly morning
I've got to go out in the Sun.
Oh...
My God...
WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!
With that everyone threw back the last of whatever drink they had in their hands and slammed their glasses down. The music stopped, the lights came on and everyone started heading for the exits without being asked. A few of them were arm in arm. Even the nearly dead one in the corner started crawling that way, and no one tried to hurry him. With a start I realized I should be doing the same thing, and I turned and went right behind my table to the back door to the alley. As I opened the door, I recoiled and winced involuntarily. The sun entered my eyes like an arc weld. My eyes slammed shut, so I slowly pried them open and peered out sideways as my head pounded out a few painful beats. I rolled my bloodshot eyes, dropped heavily off the steps and shuffled off into a burning, unforgiving day.
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